Before Life Gets Hard, Reach Out and Reach Up!
There are lots of ways to prepare for the unexpected. You can save money in the bank for a rainy day. You can create a Plan B in case the original plan falls through. But, how do you prepare for the mental and emotional strain when life takes a difficult turn? But how many of us have a mental file that tells us what to do when a difficult situation ensues such as a layoff, a natural disaster, or a medical problem? What becomes the plan in that split second that nobody prepared for? What is the plan when that dreaded possibility becomes your reality?
The bottom line is nobody knows!
As a mental health counselor it is an understood part of my responsibility to help people learn how to cope with situations that arise. This would be considered a reactive type of coping. A trigger happens and then you must figure out how to handle it. Do you read, take the dog for a walk, or go swim a mile in the neighborhood pool? These are all great questions to ask and everybody needs a list of positive coping skills that will help them calm down in a pinch. But a frequently missed question to ask is “What am I going to do when things are calm to prepare myself for when something unforeseen arises?”
Proactive coping is an idea we often take for granted. If reactive coping or, as I call it, in-the-moment coping occurs after a trigger happens then, naturally, a proactive coping skill would not require a trigger at all. With proactive coping you are making an intentional effort to engage in positive self-care to develop a high level of emotional fitness and capability, which then helps you adjust when the unexpected happens.
Most people probably think proactive coping consists of activities like jogging or baking that one might do to take their mind off the typical stressful culprits. And these would be good possibilities for proactive coping; however, there are also other activities that can be included in proactive coping. Distracting yourself for long enough to give yourself a mental break is great and needed. But have you also taken the time and steps necessary to build a social support system that can assist you through the storm?
Social support is a significant coping strategy. How often have you thought to yourself, “I need to talk to my friend about that,” or called your mom and said, “Hey mom, do you have a minute?” Having somebody there to talk to is a huge relief and benefit. But do these relationships just happen? NO! Relationships that are strong enough to weather the difficult seasons in life require proactive thinking. Now we are not likely to go around thinking, “Oh let me make friends so I have a fallback plan if something goes wrong.” However, building healthy relationships in the calm times and continuing to build on them creates a critical support network for when life is falling apart. You don’t want to be in a situation where you have a need, but no one to turn to. So, if you tend to find yourself resisting the thought of getting out there and meeting people, perhaps think about what you might be missing out on in regards to your own proactive coping.
Another proactive coping strategy is building a strong spiritual life. Do you have a solid relationship with God? Is your walk with Christ one that is tried and true that you have been able to see stay strong and constant in the midst of strife? Work on it now! Get yourself engaged in bible studies or small groups. Serve at the church service you attend and spend daily time in prayer and scripture to learn how God truly works. Creating spiritual habits when things are going well will help you stay connected to God when life takes a turn for the worst. And if you develop a faith that is assured and deeply seated in you then when disaster hits—you will be the rock that stands firm because you are anchored to the Lord Almighty!
I was talking to someone the other day about some things in my life, and they commented, “I guess your faith is getting you through it.” I responded, “Well, yeah.” You see, it is because my faith is strong this unexpected thing just is what it is. In a manner of speaking, life just kept rolling on after the unexpected thing happened. Sure, it was hard. Life is hard, but I know through everything I have already faced that God has always been there. I did not suddenly lean more on Him when times got tough. He is woven into the fabric of my day-to-day life proactively so that I am able to stand firm and resolute when the time comes where that is needed. I also have a strong network of family and friends I lean on for support and wisdom. If you are able to build a strong social network and nurture an unshakable faith in God, you will have what you need to help you navigate the difficult times in your life.
Suzanne Stangland MA, LPC
Barnabas Center for Counseling
Therapist
If you would like to schedule an appointment or donate to the Barnabas Center please email us at barnabascenter1@gmail.com, or call us at 912-352-7638. If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Call 1-800-273-8255.
