Deep Listening

“Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand.”   Sue Thoele

 In many ways a therapist’s job can be described as practicing deep listening to other people’s stories. The value and impact of listening is 70% of the healing process according to Christian Psychologist Diane Langberg[1]. Listening without interrupting, without offering a fix, and without quoting scripture or offering platitudes can be challenging, even for therapists. Whether you are a therapist or not, the gift of deep listening to others is an overwhelming need in our fast-paced, busy culture today.

 Start with learning to listen more deeply by asking these three questions: What happened? How did you feel? What was the hardest part for you? Then show you are listening by responding in appropriate ways. This may be by looking at them, or by saying words of agreement like “Mmm.” Don’t look out the window or at your watch. Don’t seem impatient for them to finish. If they become overwhelmed give them time to calm down before continuing to listen to their story.[2] Relationships bring us joy, laughter, pain, sadness, the entire realm of emotions but relationships also bring treasured memories and riches that no material object can offer. Deep listening is a gift, and it strengthens relationships.

 On a short-term mission trip in Uganda, I experienced this truth profoundly. I spent a day at a boys’ detention center. We (my translator and I) saw twenty-three boys throughout that day. As each came, we invited them to tell us their story. They shared as we listened intently. After they would share, we would ask if we could pray for them and each one let us. We also shared scripture verses or parables that were relevant to their stories at the end. We did not offer these prayers or scriptures before listening to their stories. The impact of being the hearers of those stories was a life-learning experience for my translator and myself. We both walked away changed. Deep listening is an expression of love for the people in our lives, whether they are known to us or people to which we are ministering.

Cathy Clevenger LCSW

[1] “Suffering and the God of Love” Diane Langberg, Ph.D. 

[2] “Healing Wounds of Trauma” American Bible Society